Beware the Little People
by Heat20
Summary: My friend and I wrote this late one night when everything seems funny....it may not be funny at all but it was at the time...hope you enjoy and no flames please thanks!
1. Beware the Little People

Beware the Little People  
  
"ARRGH!!!!"I yelled backing away from the little men with pointy swords,"GET AWAY!GET AWAY!"  
  
"SHH! Be quiet!"commanded one.  
  
"Who are you?"I gasped.  
  
"We're hobbits! These are Sam, Merry, Frodo and I'm Pippin." said another little dude, pointing out the other said hobbits.  
  
"Great,"I muttered,"forget 'I see dead people'...I see non-existant people!"  
  
"She sees dead people?"gasped Pippin.  
  
"I don't think so Pip,"replied the oh so short one named Frodo.  
  
Suddenly a tall, blond and might I add very cute elf leapt into the clearing.  
  
"What was all the yelling for?"he demanded.  
  
"Save me!" I cried,"I've wandered into munchkin land!"  
  
Upon hearing this, Sam tripped me. I suppose hobbits don't take too kindly to being called munchkins. Go figure. However upon his tripping me I tumbled into "pretty boys" arms.  
  
"Ouch!" I cried cradling my twisted ankle and glaring at the guilty hobbit.  
  
"Oh you're injured!"the elf stated worriedly.  
  
"Wow, so observant."I snapped. But then I looked up into those pretty whatever color they may be eyes, and grinned. "Hello,"I purred,"I'm Leanne."  
  
"Well...Leanne, I should carry you back to our camp,"he said, easily lifting me up.  
  
"Excellent!"I grinned,"so elf-boy, you got a name?"  
  
"I'm Legolas,"he replied pulling my hand away from where I was petting his hair.  
  
"Hm...you single?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Perfect!"I smiled.  
  
Now he started back to camp with all of the little people following him. When we got back to where they were staying, two men and one dwarf greeted us.  
  
"Hey dwarfey, what's new with snow white?"I quipped, but I simply received a blank stare in response.  
  
"Who is this and where did she come from?"demanded one of the men.  
  
"This is Leanne and,"Legolas paused,"where DID you come from?  
  
"Beats me,"I shrugged,"I fell out of a tree and landed on a short dude."  
  
The company shrugged, however the other man drew his sword.  
  
"How do we know she's telling the truth? She may work for Sauron or Saruman!"he snarled.  
  
"Um no need for violence,"I stammered ducking behind Legolas,"I don't even know who you're talking about!"  
"I'm sure she tells the truth Boromir,"Legolas spoke up.  
  
"That's right,you tell him!"I grinned.  
  
Legolas sighed and moved to the other side of the fire. The hobbits amused themselves with cooking and the two men sat to the side talking. The dwarf, who I made sure to stay away from, was sharpening his ax.  
  
I strode over to the other side of the fire and pretended to trip, falling right into the elf boys lap.  
  
"Oops,"I giggled,"I seem to have fallen and I can't get up!"  
  
"Let me help you,"Legolas snapped.  
  
"Oh don't bother,I'm perfectly comfortable right here!"I stated innocently.  
  
"I'm sure,"he muttered, rolling his eyes.  
  
"How come it's always the elf that the women fall for?"Boromir whined.  
  
"Literally,"added Aragorn.  
  
"So,what's to eat?"I asked a while later.  
  
"YOU, can have bread,"stated Sam, smiling at my glare.  
  
"Goody,"I glowered, "I just love a well balanced meal."  
  
"Well then you'll enjoy this,"Sam replied tossing me a chunk of bread, which I somehow caught.  
  
"If you'll just..."Legolas started.  
  
"I'm not moving."  
  
He sighed,"Sam would you mind passing my food?"  
  
****  
  
A while later everyone was settling down to sleep and by then I had figured out a way to get close to Legolas.  
  
"Such beautiful stars,"I said wandering over to where he was laying down,ignoring me."I wish I knew all of their names...."I trailed off.  
  
His eyes lit up and I lay down next to him, pretending to be enraptured by what he was saying  
  
"And that is Earendil our most beloved star..."he continued.  
  
I sighed contentedly and curled up next to elf-boy. Over all...a very productive day! 


	2. Beware the elflike People

Ok well....it seems that some people who actually had the insanity within them actually read this. What's more they liked it....either that or they were scared out of their minds at my bizarre story. Excellent. Well in any case I have decided to write a second chapter of this story....for those of you crazy enough to read it. I do not own the characters they are Tolkiens...blah blah blah you know the drill. So if you're in for some insanity read along and review to tell me what you think :D  
  
~~~~  
  
The next morning I woke up to water being thrown on my face. Squinting in the early morning sunlight I could see Legolas standing above me.  
  
"An early morning rainshower must have passed overhead,"he stated innocently.  
  
I let out a string of rather unpleasant curses at being so rudely awakened.  
  
"What language is that she's speaking?"Frodo asked Legolas.  
  
"No form of elvish I know," he replied.  
  
I rolled my eyes and stood up,"So where are we travelling to today?"  
  
"'Today we rest and decide on our further course,"Aragorn replied, not taking his eyes off the sword he was sharpening.  
  
"Yippee,"I muttered, keeping my eyes on the sword.  
  
Legolas strode over with my breakfast and I moved over to allow him to have a seat on the especially comfortable log I had found.  
  
We ate in silence for a while until Legolas cleared his throat and said,"You wished to know more about elves did you not?"  
  
"I do," I smiled, inching closer to the elf,"especially in their technique oh say....in kissing?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Alrighty then...how about weaponry?"  
  
"Ah yes weaponry. Well in mirkwood archery is our main form of combat, and our weaponry varies greatly from that of Lothlorien. Our arrows for example have much longer shafts..."he began.  
  
I began to snicker.  
  
"What?"he asked, clearly confused, and annoyed at being interupted.  
  
"Well you know,"I laughed," It sounds like you're referring to your....well you know....um...."I trailed off noting his blank stare. "Never mind,"I sighed,"carry on."  
  
****  
  
An hour later I awoke to find Legolas still describing his bow.  
  
"And as you can see, the strands of elf hair we use are quite long and stiff...."  
  
"OK that's it! I need just a bit of a break,"I said abruptly standing up,"Sam, can I get something to eat?"  
  
"Bread."  
  
"Why am I only allowed to have bread?Why not something else?"I snarled.  
  
"Bread it is,"he said tossing me a chunk.  
  
"Yea thanks! A LOT!!!" I yelled.  
  
I sighed and settled down to watch the hobbits argue over who's feet were harrier, however, it didn't take long to become bored of that, not to mention losing my appetite. For bread. So I turned to watch Aragorn and Boromir who were off to the side, but with their greasy appearing I didn't want to risk discovering if lice lived in middle earth or not.  
  
I sighed, the elf was my only option, but as I approached I could hear him murmering.  
  
"Ah yes, the trees have so much to say. I am listening oh great and elder trees."  
  
"Oh lord...I'm doomed,"I groaned.  
  
~~~~  
  
There so I hope you liked it....and understood the jokes better than....well Legolas did. Anyways if you absolutely hated it or absolutely loved it....don't forget to review and let me know. 


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